15 tips for developing flexible stability (tips 11 - 15)
And now for the final installment of my 15 tips for developing flexible stability. Here are tips eleven through fifteen...
11. Learn to fail successfully
As any entrepreneur will tell you, failure of some sort is almost inevitably a part of the road to success. Unfortunately, most of us have a tendency to take failure far too seriously.
If you put any given failure in the big picture perspective, you can see that most often it is a step along the way, not a final cataclysmic destination. Nobody enjoys failing, but you can choose how you respond to it. By seeing it as a step along the way and an opportunity for learning, you take some of the ultra-negative energy out of it and it has less of a tendency to paint your world with drama and trauma.
Failure can be a huge investment in our future success, but most people are more inclined to pretend it didn't happen than to learn from it. Next time you fail, ask yourself some questions to get the most out of the experience. "What happened here? What can I learn from this? What did I do right? What did I do wrong? How would I do things differently in the future? What do I know now that I didn't know then?"
12. Check your assumptions
We all make assumptions. They're short cuts, and serve to make life easier.
Sometimes though, the assumptions we make get in our way. And when we look at them, we realize that they don't really have any grounding in reality. The result is a set of limitations that don't actually exist! We simply created them.
Any time you find yourself thinking that something isn't possible, ask yourself what kinds of assumptions you are making. For each of those, ask yourself, "Is that valid? Do I have enough information to confidently say that is true, or is it actually just conjecture? Why do I assume that? What are some different possibilities?"
13. Eliminate black & white thinking
As comfortable is it might be to have the certainty that comes with painting the world in black and white (things are either this way, or they're that way), in reality there are typically a whole range of colors in between the extremes.
And that's good news when it comes to creating flexible stability. Black and white thinking limits you. It gives you only two options. Multi-chromatic thinking on the other hand (I couldn't bring myself to write "rainbow thinking") gives you a wide range of options.
Say you want to change careers, but it's clear that making a change isn't possible right now. With black and white thinking you shrug your shoulders and sigh, saying, "I guess it wasn't meant to be."
On the other hand, with multi-chromatic thinking, you think, "OK, when could I make that transition? What are the steps I could take that would move me closer? Are there any other more easily reachable options that would give me a similar sense of satisfaction?" It's inherently about looking at the options and possibilities.
14. Coach yourself
Clarity can go a long way towards creating a sense of flexible stability. Much of the benefit my coaching clients get out of their work with me centers around creating clarity - about what energizes them, what they value, what direction they should take and how to get there, what their goals are, what's getting in the way and how to move past it, etc.
Of course much of that benefit comes from my experience guiding people through the process and recognizing the questions that need asking. But even if you don't work with me you can still benefit from a do-it-yourself approach to coaching.
All you need is a journal and an ample supply of question marks. A journal is a way to get your thoughts out of your brain and out into the open. Asking a question launches the exploration, and journaling captures the results.
To get the most of your self-coaching efforts, go back through what you've written occasionally and pull out the key points that feel important. Maybe you see similar trends coming up as you explore what lights you up. Perhaps you see ways you consistently get in your way. You might see opportunities that you can leverage, or recognize questions you need to ask yourself on a consistent basis.
Harvesting the key insights from your journaling gives you an at-a-glance perspective on what you've learned.
15. Celebrate yourself
In the first post in this series, I noted that, "Much of the quest for stability boils down to one thing: a desire to know that the future is going to be OK."
Developing flexible stability is about creating a belief that you can navigate fluidly through whatever comes along. A big part of the belief has to do with how you see yourself and your ability.
With that in mind, anything you can do to support a positive view of what you bring to the table helps develop that sense of flexible stability.
Make a habit of celebrating yourself. Make a list of gifts and skills you have. Write about why each of those is important. Start celebrating your successes. Too often we dwell on our failures and skim over our successes as we turn our eyes to what's next. Linger on what you've done well so it has a chance to become part of your world view.
Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst TM
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