Pursuing your dreams and building your vision is an inherently personal thing. There is no cookie cutter process to follow, and on occasion that can leave you feeling a little overwhelmed and alone.
The good news, whether you realize it or not, is that you're not alone.
People want to help
I went to BizJam08 last week, a conference aimed at solopreneurs. One of the speakers, Ami Kassar from ideablob, tried an experiment where he had people with an idea for a business or a product come up on stage and give a one-minute spiel about the idea. The audience was then asked for advice.
For me, it was the best part of the entire conference. Not so much because of the specific advice being given, but because of the energy that was flying around the room as people just about jumped out of their seats wanting to help.
It was inspiring, primarily because it reinforced one of my basic beliefs in life. "People want to help." The people in the audience weren't just offering their advice and ideas because they were supposed to. They were doing it because they wanted to. They were excited about it.
How to help people help you
Like many things, when you reach out for help you can do it well or you can really suck at it. It can be effective and enjoyable for the people you ask, or it can be flat out annoying.
Here are some ideas for how to help people help you.
Tell people what you need: OK, this one seems like it should be pretty obvious, but I'm starting here because this is where far too many people miss the boat. Whether it's for fear of imposing or being told no, or a feeling that they should be able to "do it themselves," the biggest mistake people make when it comes to helping people help them is not asking.
Make it specific: The more specific you can be with your request for help, the more likely it is that people will understand how they can help you. Don't throw out a general need and hope they can fill in the blanks.
Make it easy: Sure, they want to help, but they're still busy people evaluating how they're going to use their time. if your request for help is big and bloated, or needs a manual to figure it out, the odds of it actually hitting paydirt are slim.
Try to make your requests easily implementable. For example, ask for a specific amount of time to ask them questions about a specific topic. Or ask if they have any suggestions for someone you should talk to about _____ subject. Or e-mail them with questions they can easily answer briefly.
Make it relevant: If you're going to ask for someone's help, be sure it's really relevant to their experience. Asking for help is not the time to take a shotgun approach.
Do the footwork first: If you're asking for help, advice, etc. on something you could easily figure out yourself, you're probably just lazy. Don't waste your requests on things that are easily accessible to you; save them for the things you really need.
Make a list: Start a list outlining the different ways you need help. For example:
- Questions you have.
- Introductions you need.
- Specific knowledge and insights that others might have.
- Problems you're grappling with that someone more experienced might have the answer to.
- Help with individual aspects of projects you are working on.
When you have a clear picture of the specific help you need, you're more likely to recognize the chance to reach out and ask for it when the opportunity arises.
Be appreciative: Nothing kills your future potential for receiving help faster than coming across as an ingrate. Don't.
Return the favor when possible: Look for ways you can help the person you're requesting help from. You might see a substantial way to assist them, or it might be seemingly small and insignificant, like a recommendation to a great restaurant. It's possible that you won't see an obvious way, but at least it's on your radar screen.
Keep the good karma going: Keep the good help karma going by paying it forward. Make a point of being receptive to reasonable requests for help from others.
How about you? How do you help people help you?
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A recent study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology bears this out. According to the abstract people regularly underestimate the likelihood that other people will help them when asked. Sometimes this effect can reach 50%.
I know it's hard for me personally to ask people for help, but I'm working on it.
Citation: Flynn, Francis J.; Lake, Vanessa K. B. If you need help, just ask: Underestimating compliance with direct requests for help. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 2008 Jul Vol 95(1) 128-143
Posted by: Todd Suomela | July 15, 2008 at 09:46 PM
Thanks for the reference, Todd. Interesting. Imagine how much easier life could be and how much more we could achieve if we regularly bridged that 50% gap.
Posted by: Curt Rosengren | July 17, 2008 at 08:01 AM
hey Curt,
great to see your blog again. Not sure why I haven't for so long.
I'm sorry I missed you at Bizjam - I was in Dallas (again) and still haven't been to one but am a devout Biznik in Bellingham. Anyway - I love your nine points about getting help. From my perspective, people will help you by referring you business if they know what it is that you really do, how you specifically help others, and who are your perfect prospective customers - all you have to do is tell them this information, remind them on a regular basis, and serve them as well.
Posted by: Lori Richardson | July 21, 2008 at 10:06 PM
Hi Lori! As always, you have great insights. Thanks for stopping by. :-)
Posted by: Curt Rosengren | July 23, 2008 at 01:18 PM