5 questions to ask when a career change seems impossible

In response to an earlier post here, M.A.P. Maker reader Jeff noted that pursuing his passion seems out of reach. As he explains:

I know my passion is to start and run a business of my own. But I am supporting 2 small children and my wife cannot earn what I currently earn. In order for my children to eat and wear clean clothes, I cannot give up my salary and benefits and go back to school to learn an altogether new career path.

It brings up such a good question that I decided it needed its own post.

How do you make a change when your reality makes that change feel impossible?

I wish I had a magic wand I could wave that would make it easy. But I sat on it and the dang thing broke, so it looks like we'll have to settle for the hard way.

Here are five questions to ask as you consider a change (note that these are directed at a general audience, not specifically at Jeff).

1. Could I find what I want without a full-on change?
2. How could I make that change?
3. When could I make that change?
4. Am I addicted to staying stuck?
5. How badly do I really want it?

Could I find what I want without a full-on change?

If there's a way to get what you're looking for without going through the turmoil of a full-scale change, then it makes sense to do it. So to begin with, try this...

Make sure you know why you want to change

First, take a look at why you want to change. Is it because something essential is missing, or is it because your boss is a complete jerk? Is it because you have a burning desire to ________ (fill in the blank), or is it because you've been doing what you do for so long that you're bored with it?

The more you know about the source of your discontent, the better equipped you are to address it. For example, you might discover that you're actually happy with the work, but there are issues at play that drain your energy. In that case, addressing those issues would result in a net energy gain (see my thoughts on The Gain to Drain Ratio), possibly eliminating your desire to make a change altogether.

Take stock of what you're missing

Another spin on that is asking the question, "What am I missing?" What would the new career path give me that my current work doesn't? This needs to be specific, not a vague generalization like, "I'd enjoy my work more."

Let's say, like Jeff, you're interested in starting and running a business of your own. In asking what is currently missing that starting your own business would fulfill, you might - for example - realize that it's about taking an idea from concept to completion. You might see that it's not so much about being in business for yourself as it is having the opportunity to build something out of nothing, to take an idea, build it, own it, and see it succeed.

With that insight, you can start looking around your current path and asking, "Where are the opportunities to incorporate that into the picture?" It might be on a small scale, like lobbying to take on projects that would let you do that. Or it might be large scale, like a move to a path within the company that is more in line with that.

Ask what, then why

Make a list of things - work or play - that have lit you up over the course of your life. For each of those, ask, "Why? What is it about that that makes it so fun, so appealing?" Think of it as reverse engineering to find the underlying characteristics.

For example, when I reverse engineer my Passion Catalyst work, I find that some of the underlying factors in why I love it are a 1) sense of exploration and discovery, 2) helping people, 3) being a catalyst, and 4) being the expert.

When you understand why you love what you love, you can look for opportunities to incorporate more of them into your current path. For example, how can I build more exploration and discovery into what I'm doing? How can I make changes that bring more of that into the picture? What paths could I grow into that have more of that?

(If you'd like more guidance on this, there is an entire chapter devoted to it in my e-book The Occupational Adventure Guide.)

How could I?

Get ten people together in a room who want to make a career change to something they love, and nine of them will come up with what feel like very good reasons why they can't. "I don't have enough money. I have too many financial obligations. I've invested too much time into my current path. I'm too inexperienced. I'm too old."

The truth is, we all have reasons why we can't. Instead of shutting the door with "I can't because," focus on a question that has door-opening potential..."How could I?" As the saying goes, there's more than one way to skin a cat. Some ways to explore how you could include...

• Challenge yourself to think of as many ways as possible to get to your end result. Don't worry if they're not all realistic.
• Identify the obstacles standing in the way. For each obstacle, make it a habit to try to find a way around. Brainstorm ideas. Make it a habit to engage other people in the problem-solving to get their ideas (do it again and again with different people).
• Ask, "What do I need to know to make this happen?" Learn it.
• Ask, "What kinds of people do I need to know to make this happen?" Find ways to meet them.
• Ask, "How do I build reputation I need to make this happen?" Start putting it into action.
• Ask, "What factors need to be in place for me to successfully make a change?" Start putting them into place (e.g., saving for a change fund, learning the nuts and bolts of your new path, etc.).

Any big goal is a compilation of smaller components. Even if the big goal seems presently out of reach, you can still start working on the smaller components.

When could I?

Most of the time I hear someone say, "I can't make a change," what they really mean is, "I can't right now." And that may very well be true. But if you limit yourself only to the things you can accomplish with the flip of a switch...well, you're going to have a pretty sorry life.

If you want to make a change, but meet yourself with, "I can't" (and it might be a very solid reason why you can't), ask yourself, "When could I?"

Again, back to the example of wanting to start a business, you might say, "Well, I would love to do that right now, but I can't." On looking at it closer (this is where the "how could I" exploration above comes in handy), you might realize that you can't right now, but if you started taking consistent, persistent steps right now to prepare, it might be a realistic option in five years' time.

Ideal? No. But neither is just sighing and saying, "I guess I'm stuck here forever."

Am I addicted to staying stuck?

Occasionally, part of my role in my work with individual clients is calling them on their shit (for the record, I have people who regularly call me on mine as well, so it's definitely not a holier-than-thou thing).

And for some people, that shit amounts to an addiction to being stuck. For them, "I can't" becomes an immutable reality. If this is you, no amount of exploration for ways to make it happen will make a difference, because at the heart of it, you're committed to not moving.

Of course, this wouldn't apply to any of the enlightened people who read this blog, but it might apply to a friend of a friend, so I thought I should include it. ;-)

How badly do I really want it?

As much as I hate to say it, there's no guarantee that you'll find an easy way to reach your dream. Sometimes it's a matter of gritting your teeth and doing the hard work to get it done.

Ask yourself, "How much do I really want it?" The more you want it, the more willing you will be to do the hard work. I heard one of my favorite examples of this in an interview I did a few years back with J.A. Jance, a mystery novel writer with numerous best-selling books to her credit.

Jance wrote her first two novels as a single mom with two kids and no child support. This was her advice...

Don’t just talk about it, do it – and don’t make excuses. I wrote my first three books between 4 and 7 a.m. before getting my children up to go to school and getting me dressed to go sell life insurance.

Everybody has obstacles. Some big, some small. The key is to simply recognize those obstacles as part of the landscape, and then set out to find your way around them.

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Need to re-energize your career?
Get started with 101 Ways to Get Wild About Work!

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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Comments

[Pat]

I also faced the question that Jeff is facing. Like Jeff, I am also very busy. I work full time and am the sole caregiver of a frail older adult. Oh, and did I mention I am 58? To follow my dream I had to return to school.

I agree that if you want something badly enough, you will find a way. If school is the only obstacle, the solution is out there and it is pretty easy to find. I am working on my master's degree at an online university. That way I can get to do my school work when I am able. Is it easy? No, some nights I don't get much sleep and the pressure can get pretty tough. But I only need to take one step at a time - one assignment, one discussion, one paper, one course. It all adds up and will get me closer to where I want to be. It will take a while, but I will get there. You just have to work at it a bit every day.

Most of my fellow learners are facing the same type of challenge. We all have a dream and we are all working one step at a time. We all support each other. It can be done.

[Curt Rosengren]

Pat, you have a great point. Taken in its entirety, the process can seem pretty overwhelming. But one step at a time ultimately gets it done.

Thanks for sharing (and kudos for taking those steps!).

[Curt Rosengren]

Pat, you have a great point. Taken in its entirety, the process can seem pretty overwhelming. But one step at a time ultimately gets it done.

Thanks for sharing (and kudos for taking those steps!).

[Mark McClure / Career Coaching]

Pat, you're an inspiration on the "long and winding career change" road. Of course, our mileage will vary ;-)

Don't overly concern yourself with the finish - "Keep starting!"

[Laura]

Thanks for the reminder about the possibility of an addiction to being stuck. I’ve been there a few times – haven’t we all!? And when we are in this situation we must remember that we are getting something we value from being stuck, or we wouldn’t stay there. For example, we may believe we are protecting ourselves from making the wrong decision. In this case it is good to remember that not making a decision, is in itself making a decision. A decision to stay stuck where we are.

Get a coach or a friend to call your bluff and help you to examine the beliefs that are keeping you stuck. Byron Katie has a good model for questioning the unconscious beliefs that run us. Once you recognize what’s going on you can make a conscious decision about your next move. And if that means staying put then -- guess what – it won’t feel like stuck anymore!

Curt, I know it’s not always that easy! What are your strategies for working with clients who are addicted to stuck?

Thanks for creating quality content!

Laura