How not to measure success

Do you ever compare yourself to others and feel like you just aren't measuring up? Alexandra Levitt recently wrote about the perils of basing your internal feelings of worthiness on how you compare to others.

What's the danger of that? As she notes, there will always be someone who is "better" than you in any given category. So it's a game you can't win.

That got me thinking about another aspect of it, which is that when we compare ourselves to others, we typically aren't comparing ourselves to reality. We're comparing ourselves to our idealized version of what we think we see.

We often don't have the full story. For example, we see people's ultra-success, but don't see the warts-n-all reality behind the scenes. We don't see the bumps and bruises they've had along the way, or we don't see the fact that behind the face of public success lies a personal life in shambles.

So we end up comparing ourselves to a one-dimensional caricature, and then wonder why we come up short.

Looking at others can be good for goals and guidelines, but it's a poor way to measure actual success. Instead of an external measuring stick, try an internal one.

Start off by spending some serious time taking a 360-degree look at your own definition of what success really means in your life. Don't just blindly accept the definition you've been handed. What do you want to do? Who do you want to be? What's important to you? Do this for all facets of your life, not just work, because it's all interconnected.

Use benchmarks and measure your progress. Take stock of where you are today, set a goal, and then regularly check in to see how you're doing.

And while you're at it, take time to CELEBRATE your positive progress (but that's the topic for a whole new post).

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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Comments

[Tim]

Great post, Curt. I've been guilty of comparing myself to others in the past. In my circle of friends, I'm probably the lowest paid (though we are in different industries). I guess I'd accept it easier if I enjoyed what I was doing a little bit more. But not liking your job a whole lot and not getting paid as much as you want is a bad combination (IMHO).

That being said, there's always someone out there making more money and having more stuff than you. In my case, it is a moot point since I recently got laid off (again). As I get older, I am learning that a high salary does not equal happiness.

I've enjoyed your writing over the past couple years- keep up the great work.

[Curt Rosengren]

Thanks Tim.

You're spot on regarding salaries and happiness. There's nothing wrong with high salaries, but they definitely aren't going to do much to make a person truly happy if the other important pieces aren't there.

Sorry to hear about your layoff. Good luck in your search!