Just say no...to saying no

I'm always fascinated when I go to the doctor and they tap my knee to test my reflexes. The doc gives a tap with the little rubber mallet and up bounces my leg like it has a life of its own.

Some people's tendency to say no reminds me a little bit of that reflex reaction. They automatically shoot down their dreams, cut down ideas, and stonewall possibilities, all with those two little letters. No.

"No, that won't work. No, I can't because... No, no, no!"

Don't get me wrong. I'm not opposed to saying no. Saying no has it's place. A suggestion like, "Hey, lets walk across this busy eight-lane freeway instead of using the overpass," for example, is a prime candidate for a well-placed no. 

But too often, people say no out of habit. They shut down the possibilities when, if they stop to really think about it, they just might be able to find a way to say yes. 

A few days ago, I wrote a post about the power of saying yes. But to consciously focus on saying yes, you first have to notice when you're saying no. And when no becomes a reflex, you often don't even notice it.

Try this: For the next week, try going on a "no fast." Pay attention to when you say no. You might even want to carry a little notebook along with you and jot a note down when you notice it.

Each time you find yourself reflexively saying no, stop and ask yourself, "How can I say yes? Is there a piece of this that makes sense for me? Is there part of this idea I can embrace? Is there an alternative approach I can take that will allow me to do this?"

If you try it, I would love to hear how it goes. 

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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Comments

[Tim]

Hi Curt:

Nice post! You can see the power of yes when watching good improv. I know I learned, through some tough lessons, how saying no on stage can make for a boring improv scene. You are right, too many of us always say "no" instinctively before really listening to the opportunity in front of us. I'll have to get my little notebook out. Thanks again for some great advice!

[Curt Rosengren]

Thanks Tim! Improv definitely seems to have some important life insights.

On a random tangent, imagine if an improv/life lessons class was a required part of every high school curriculum. I wonder what kind of effect that would have. Seems like it could plant some pretty important seeds.