The M.A.P. Maker

Fear or possibility: Which does your focus feed?

A few weeks ago, it dawned on me how many times one of my friends on Facebook had made some variation on the comment, "I love how positive your focus is with your posts here." 

It's tempting to believe that my focus is so positive because I'm just an inherently positive guy. And while that is accurate to some degree, I'm also a guy who gets pissed off at the latest insanity in the news, or depressed at the seemingly endless waves of negativity. I get incensed at people's actions. I think quite often - in big, bold, capital letters - "WTF???" 

And in truth, often I'm tempted to post my outrage, or indignation, or sense of hopelessness. But it always comes down to, "Is that really what I want to add to the world?" Because really, there's enough of that out there without pouring my own fuel on that fire. 

And so I choose to focus on what I want to see more of in the world. I want to see more compassion. I want to see more tolerance. I want to see more people inspired to make the world a better place. I want to see more people living vibrant, energized lives. I want to see more love. 

In essence, the question I ask myself when deciding whether to write about or link to something is this: "Does this feed a sense of fear, or a sense of possibility?" 

That's a great question to ask in our lives as a whole, not just in assessing what we post online. Take a look at your own life. Which of those does your focus feed? 

Here are some questions to help you explore where you're directing your focus:

• Do I focus on what's wrong, or do I focus on what's right?
• Do I put more energy into focusing on people who are doing good, or people who are pissing me off?
• Do I habitually complain, or do I habitually look for what's good?
• Does the media I consume paint a generally positive or negative picture of the world?
• Do I spend more time feeling angry or feeling loving/compassionate/interested?
• Do I spend more time assigning blame (Those people are wrong!) or exploring ways to create more of what I want to see in the world?

That's far from a comprehensive list, and I encourage you to keep adding to it, but it's a good place to start. 

The pessimists and skeptics among you might be saying, "Yeah, but what about the 'real world?'" To that I would say, I'm not suggesting that you ignore the real world. Regardless of how positive your focus, challenges will find there way into your life. You will feel bumps. You will get bruised. That's just a part of life. But why go out of your way to bring more pain into your life? Why make a special effort to paint the picture darker? 

The world you experience is determined by the world you see. The lens that determines the world you see is created in large part by what you choose to focus on. 

Which does your focus feed - possibility, or fear?

--

Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Are you aligning with your excuses?

Are you making any excuses in your life that are limiting your potential? (Hint: The answer is almost guaranteed to be yes.) We all do it. We all have reasons why we're not showing up as fully as we could. We all have reasons why we're not living into our full potential. 

The question is not whether or not you have excuses. It's what kind of role you are going to let those excuses play in your life. What kind of power are you going to give them?

In her book, The Best Year of Your Life, Debbie Ford has a chapter where she looks at the excuses we all make. She says:

We all have them, and we all pretend we are made powerless by them. But if we are to have the best year of our lives, we have to be willing to give up all the excuses we've used. We have to ask ourselves this fundamental question: "Do I want to align with the greatest vision of myself, or do I want to align with my excuses?"

That's a powerful question. When I first read it, it stopped me in my tracks. I asked myself, "Which am I doing?" While my goal is to align with my greatest vision of myself, if I'm being honest, all too often I throw my lot in with my excuses. 

The either/or nature of this question is what makes it so powerful. It's probably a bit simplistic to think that you can make a sweeping, broad brush assessment as to whether you're aligned with your greatest visions of yourself or with your excuses, but you can use the question on an ongoing basis. It can be a great north star to guide your efforts. 

Make it a habit to stop and ask yourself on a regular basis, "Am I aligning with my greatest vision of myself, or my excuses?" Notice what excuses you're giving power to. 

When you see the excuses that are coming up, try a little exercise. Stop and say, "If I couldn't let this excuse stop me, or limit me, how could I get past it? How could I help my greatest vision of myself show up?"

I'm not saying that none of your excuses have any validity. We all operate within constraints in life. But - if your life is anything like mine - you probably give those excuses more weight and more power than they really merit. Making a consistent effort to shift your alignment away from your excuses and toward your greatest vision of yourself is a great way to start taking the power back. 

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Time for a career change? Launch it with...
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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Passion Catalyst lesson #8 - Love yourself

This is a series of lessons learned in my nine years as a Passion Catalyst.

If I could magically incorporate one piece of advice into all the success literature ever written, it would be this: Love yourself. 

Over the years I have come to believe that this isn't just a nice feel-good philosophy, but a central pillar of building a life that really lets you shine. It's not just important in the abstract. It's important in a very real, concrete way. 

Self-love vs. Self-negativity

What do I mean by love yourself? Simple. Be kind to yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. Shine a light on what's positive about you and what you've done and celebrate it. Look at what you see as negative aspects about yourself and your performances through the lens of kindness and compassion. Resist the urge to beat yourself up or tell yourself that you're not good enough. 

Sadly, I think most people struggle with this one to one degree or another. We lapse into a focus on how what we're doing isn't good enough, how we're not good enough. We identify with that last failure and make it our identity. We club ourselves over the head with every little mistake, and neglect to celebrate the beauty and success in our lives. 

And the more we're in that negative spin, the more it limits us. The more it fuels our faulty notion that we just don't have what it takes. And the more it feeds on itself like that, the more it continues to limit us.

Loving ourselves, on the other hand, supports us. It builds our belief in ourselves and what we can do. And that belief is a huge part of what defines our potential. Loving ourselves also cushions the bumps and bruises we inevitably experience along the way. It helps us see mishaps and failures as simply something that happened, rather than as something we are. It helps us notice what's good in our lives.

My own experience

I wish I could say that this lesson has been built solely from watching others, but the truth is it has been as much a part of my journey as anyone else's. 

While I have always been blessed with a healthy self-image and self-confidence, there is also a streak in me that runs completely counter to that. It comes from a part of me that feels not good enough. It's the piece of me that not only lets the inner critic run amok, but also hands it a cat-o-ninetails so it can scourge me more effectively.

Historically, when that part of me has come up, I have been brutal to myself, treating myself in a way that I would never accept from someone else. Kindness and compassion? Forget it. When I'm in that mode I'm out for blood. 

It's something I have worked hard on over the years, and thankfully over time I have seen a big shift. I still notice it wanting to rear its head occasionally, but when it does, most of the time I'm able to look at it and say, "Uhhhh...no." 

So I have personal experience of how toxic not coming from a place of self-love can be. I know firsthand how limiting it can be to let myself get wrapped up in that negative view of myself and my place in the world. 

And I also know how liberating it can be to fill that space with kindness and compassion toward myself. I have learned how much less it depletes me when I don't go to that abusive negative space, and how much more potential I can see when I come from that place of self-love. The difference is huge.  

Don't expect to flip a switch

If, like me, you find that you still have some work yet to do in this arena, resist the urge to aim for immediate change. That's a great way to bring your efforts crumbling down on top of you. 

Instead, look at moving toward kindness and compassion as an organically unfolding process. Do it choice by choice. 

Try this: 

To move toward greater self-love one choice at a time, start with this three-step process:

Notice: You can't change what you don't notice, and for many people that negative perspective has become so ingrained and habitual that it is invisible to them. For one week, work on just noticing, without judgment. You don't have to change anything. Your goal is just to start recognizing it as it pops up. Notice when you are self-critical. Watch for red flags like, "I can't," or, "I never," or, "Why do I always..." Don't beat yourself up for it. Just see it and say, "Ah, there's one." 

Throughout the day, jot down what you notice. If you find it hard to notice it as it happens, do an end-of-day review and scan back through your day. The idea is both to train your brain to be more aware of these instances and to give yourself examples to work with in the next step.

Identify alternative reactions: Pick one of the instances you noticed and start exploring ways to reframe it. Ask questions like:

• Is this negative reaction realistic?
• What if this situation happened to someone else? Would I see it in such a negative light?
• What was good about what I did?
• How could I describe this in a way that is objective and neutral?

Keep doing that every day. Eventually the goal is to catch yourself in the act and reframe your negative response on the fly. Doing this after the fact will give your brain a chance to practice and build that mental muscle. 

Catch yourself and reframe: Once you start noticing the negative instances and feel like the after-the-fact reframe is coming more naturally, it's time to start doing it on the fly. When you catch yourself slipping into that negative mode, practice saying, "OK, what are my alternatives here?" Find a reframe. 

Don't get sucked into feeling like you need to catch and reframe every single time from the beginning. Just make it a goal to start doing it, even once a day, and build on that. 

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Time for a career change? Launch it with...
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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Passion Catalyst lesson #7 - Start with yes

This is a series of lessons learned in my nine years as a Passion Catalyst.

Do you ever find yourself saying no automatically to ideas or opportunities? Is that expanding your potential, or limiting it?

Last week I wrote about staying open to possibilities and avoiding the inherent limitations of tinybox thinking. One of the ideas I talked about in the post was the importance of saying yes. I want to expand on that idea, because it's an important one. 

If you want to expand your future by making one simple, small choice, do this: default to yes until you are really sure that no is the right answer. 

When you default to saying no, it automatically shrinks your potential. Because you will almost never say no and follow that up with, "OK, let me explore whether this is a possibility." You say no and you move on, effectively eliminating whatever you just said no to from the picture.

Saying yes, on the other hand, initiates further exploration. You may eventually discover that no, in fact, is the right response. But you will also find that yes keeps on being the right answer for a percentage of those opportunities. And those are opportunities you would never have had if you started out by saying no. 

There is no risk to saying yes until it's time to say no. There is only upside.

Try this: Next time you hear yourself saying no to an idea or an approach, ask yourself, "Do I really need to say no to this yet?" Then start to explore the idea. Look for ways it might in fact make sense. Explore how it might actually be possible. 

Another helpful habit to get into is to examine why you're saying no. Often the no has nothing to do with the validity or viability of the idea. It's because of inertia. Maybe it's just outside the scope of what we're used to thinking about. Or it might feel like it's too hard, or too scary. Or because someone told us we couldn't do something like that back when we were in second grade. 

The more you recognize the driving forces behind your urge to say no, the more readily you can recognize when the right answer is actually yes. 

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Time for a career change? Launch it with...
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by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Passion Catalyst lesson #6 - Tinybox thinking limits your potential

This is a series of lessons learned in my nine years as a Passion Catalyst.

One of the hardest things I have grappled with over the last nine years is my own tendency to create a small box for the future and then proceed to try to shove myself into it. 

The box is created by my expectations and a desire to control what happens. "This is what I want to see happen, and this is how I'm going to do it, and this is what it's going to look like." Once I have that defined in my head, it shuts out all the other possibilities. As a result, the infinite potential that exists shrinks to fit that box. 

It's like the future is this huge, magnificent hall where I could dance with wild delight, and I'm grunting and snorting in the corner trying to wedge myself into my tinybox, frustrated because there's so little room to even move, let alone dance.

I've gotten much better at setting my vision and then staying open to letting the story unfold in unanticipated ways, but it's still something I grapple with. 

Check your tinybox thinking

Are you falling prey to tinybox thinking? Are you unnecessarily limiting your future? To explore that, spend a little time with these questions. 

• Am I regularly looking for opportunities to say yes to?
• Do I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall, trying to make something happen that just won't?
• Do I default to saying no? 
• Am I doing anything differently than I was one year ago? Two years ago? Five years?
• Do I have a picture for how the future should look like that life isn't cooperating with?
• If an opportunity presented itself that is outside the scope of my plan, how likely am I to seriously consider it? How likely am I to dismiss it out of hand? Can I point to any instances where either of those have happened?

Reprogram your tinybox thinking

When you notice the tinybox thinking, you can start to do something about it. For example:

Practice saying yes: 

When you catch yourself saying no, practice saying yes (and remind yourself that it doesn't have to be a forever-yes). 

Stop and scan: 

When something isn't working, back up and scan the horizon. What other opportunities might be presenting themselves? 

Practice looking for new possibilities: 

Make it a goal to find one new possibility a week. Make that exploration part of your conversations with others. Maybe that new possibility is a way to collaborate with someone, or learning a new skill. Maybe it is committing to taking a step toward building a network in the career direction you really want to take. Or it might be deciding to take on a project you want to do, but feel some fear about. 

You don't have to take action on all those possibilities. The point is just to exercise the ability to recognize them. 

Act on new possibilities: 

Once you start expanding the scope of possibilities you see, you can start choosing ones to act on. As you notice them, jot them down. Then, on a regular basis, review the list you have created and ask, "Which one(s) do I want to do?" The more you act, the more comfortable you will be turning that potential into reality.

Practice staying open and, step-by-step, your future will automatically expand. 

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Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

--

by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Passion Catalyst lesson #5 - Success is not a solo sport

This is a series of lessons learned in my nine years as a Passion Catalyst.

As I was transforming myself from Curt the marketing guy to Curt the Passion Catalyst, I realized I had a lot to learn. I had put a framework around something I had done naturally, informally for years, but the career passion spin was new. 

I decided to start building a "knowledge base" by interviewing people who had successfully pursued their passions. As I did, a few common themes started to emerge. One of the big ones, expressed in some way by pretty much everyone I talked to, was this: "I couldn't have done it alone."

The more clients I see moving toward their own transformation, and the more I experience of my own journey,the more convinced I am that the support of others is as vital to our success as oxygen is to staying alive. 

That support might come in any of a number of packages. For example:

• Emotional
• Knowledge (e.g., a mentor)
• Logistical / practical
• Networking / connections
• Creative / brainstorming / idea-bouncing
• Spiritual
• Financial
• Motivation / inspiration

My own path has been packed with examples when, if not for the support of others, I would have just gone splat. Some of them have related to my business, others have related to other parts of life (which in turn related to my business, because life is a holistic system, with every piece interconnected). 

On the non-work side, I have written about the support of my friend Sharon during some really challenging times with my health. On the work side, one of my favorite examples took place in the first year of my Passion Catalyst work. 

The 11th-hour reprieve

As you might imagine, recreating myself with no formal background to stand on other than, "This is who I am - I do this naturally," presented some challenges. In fact, that first year was brutal. After ten months of trying to make something happen and making about a third of what I needed to meet my monthly obligations, I finally threw my hands up and said, "I give up." I resigned myself to having to go back to the marketing world. 

Just prior to that I had reached out to Richard Tait, co-founder of the game company Cranium, and asked him if I could interview him to get his career passion insights (his e-mail address had been on their web site, and I just lobbed the request over to him). He graciously said yes. 

Over the course of our conversation, I told him about my Passion Catalyst work, and mentioned some discussion groups I had been organizing. Something about what I was doing must have resonated with him, because later that day he sent me an e-mail offering to talk to one of my groups. 

Rather than something small-scale like that, I decided to create an event called the Passion People Speaker Series. Richard was the first speaker. That month, for the first time in the ten months since I had hung out my shingle as a Passion Catalyst, I earned enough to pay all my bills. And I could trace all that additional business to the event in some way, whether it had been someone who had heard about me via the event promotion, or someone I met at the event. 

In a very real way, my Passion Catalyst work exists today because of Richard's generous offer of support eight years ago. I'm not sure if I would have picked it up again after feeling so battered and bruised by the attempt. Richard's support, whether he realized it or not (I'm sure he didn't), amounted to an 11th hour reprieve. 

Do a support check

Having the support you need to succeed is too important to leave to chance. Take a look at your own life and ask some questions:

• Where do I get my support?
• Where could I get my support?
• What kind of support do I need? 
• What kind of support am I missing?
• Who can I reach out to?

And to balance the equation out and keep the energy flowing, complement those questions with these:

• Who needs my support?
• Who can I help, and how?

Be conscious about what you need, be purposeful and intentional about bringing it into your life, and be proactive in reaching out to find it, and the support you need will show up.

--

Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

--

by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

Passion Catalyst lesson #3 - Meaning is a powerful motivator

This is a series of lessons learned in my nine years as a Passion Catalyst.

During the financial meltdown of 2008, I went through several months when my business disappeared. I was literally self-unemployed. Not only did I have no revenue coming in, the horizon looked devoid of income as well. 

The stress built and built as I continued to bang my head against the wall, trying to make something happen. 

BANG! 

nothing

BANG! BANG! BANG!

more nothing

Finally, one morning in December I threw up my hands and said, "I give up! I can't do this. I can't make this happen. I don't have what it takes."

That lasted till mid-afternoon. 

Despite my best intentions, I just couldn't bring myself to quit. What I felt (and feel) called to do and the difference I felt called to make was just too powerful. It was like the universe came along, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck, picked me up and said, "Sorry pal. You don't get to quit." And so I didn't. 

I would love to be able to say that the story has one of those magical endings where as soon as I decided not to quit everything aligned in my favor and the floodgates of prosperity opened. In reality I struggled for several more months. But despite the lack of a Hollywood ending, the important thing was that I opted to stick with it. 

In retrospect, that experience felt like a watershed for me. I can guarantee you that, if it had only been a case of, "I want to do this work because it's so much fun," there's no way I would have stuck it out. No way in hell. But because I felt such a powerful call to the difference I have the potential to make with this work, I almost felt like I had no choice but to figure out a way to stay with it. 

I'm not suggesting that everyone will go through the kind of challenging time I did, or even that they need to be as obstinate as I was in refusing to yield to the smackdown I was getting (in fact, I really wouldn't recommend it). But at some point, you're going to hit bumps and you're going to get bruises. And if you are working towards something that really matters to you, it will be infinitely easier to maintain your momentum in the face of those challenges.

Meaning is a powerful motivator.

--

Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

--

by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

42 questions to ask when you hit a career roadblock

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know what a fan I am of the power of the mighty question mark. Over on the US News & World Report blog this morning, I take a look at 42 questions to ask when you hit a career roadblock. Check it out, and if you have any to add to the list, I would love to hear them. 

--

Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

--

by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

7 lessons I learned from a health crisis

One year ago at this very moment I was in surgery. It was the culmination of a couple of months of health challenges that took me largely out of commission (here's a brief synopsis). I cringe when I look back on the experience. At the same time, it was a real learning experience. 

Vulnerability can feed compassion

Lying in the emergency room, writhing in pain with nothing to be done about it until the doctor arrived, I felt deeply helpless and vulnerable for the first time in my life. Even now, the memory is bringing tears to my eyes. It was terrifying and painful. 

I've always been compassionate, but this gave me an even greater frame of reference for it. My feelings of compassion shot through the roof. Whether it was for the grandmother bringing her grandson into the emergency room in the middle of the night, or for the people in a National Geographic article I read living in rural India with no ready access to doctors, my heart went out to them in a new way. 

Humor is a vital coping mechanism

I went to the emergency room twice, once in the afternoon and once in the middle of the night. Both experiences were excruciating. I discovered how important humor is to me as a coping mechanism. The entire time I was looking for jokes to crack. 

At one point a nurse looked at me and said in surprise, "You're handling this awfully well." My alternative, of course, was to sink further into the misery. 

People will help if you let them

I have always had an independent streak. Usually that's good, but it can also get in my way. This experience put me into a situation where I had no choice but to rely on other people to help me. And while it was challenging for me, it was also a really positive experience. 

Bottom line, people want to help. And people will help if you ask, and if you let them. 

Sometimes the bad delivers the good

I wouldn't want to go through it all again, but in retrospect I'm very grateful I did. Why? Because I gained one of my best friends in the process. You can read about Sharon and her role in it all here. In a nutshell she was someone I knew casually who ended up taking care of me during the whole time. 

Over that time she saw me at my most raw and vulnerable (she took me to the emergency room in the middle of the night that first day) and we got to be very close friends. From that perspective, I'm very thankful that I went through the whole experience, as my life is much richer with her friendship.  

Focus on what you can do and let go of the rest 

There were two months between my emergency room visits and the surgery to finally take care of things. The idea of just sitting and waiting until then drove me buggy, so I started researching and buying as many guided healing meditations as I could get my hands on. 

Those healing meditations became an important piece of my journey. Partially because of their intended healing impact, but also because they gave me something I could do. They gave me positive action I could take. And that was good for my peace of mind. It helped me accept what I had no control over. 

I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty good

I wish I could say I was the patient that everybody says, "Wow, you have such a positive attitude all the time. How do you do it?" But I wasn't. Some days I was up. Some days I was down. On occasion I had a tantrum. 

When I was on the cranky side, I would sometimes get down on myself for not being able to handle it all more gracefully. Sharon, as usual, would shine a little reality on the picture. "What are you talking about?" she would say. "You're always pointing out the positive aspects that are coming out of this and ways you're fortunate." 

And when I stepped back and looked at the whole thing objectively, free of my shoulds, I had to acknowledge that I was pretty good a lot of the time. As I think about it now, I can see that that was a little microcosm of my life in general. "I'm not perfect, but I'm pretty good."

This too shall pass

I think this one is incredibly important. There were days when it felt like the whole thing would never end. Even after the surgery I had to schlep my little blow-up donut with me wherever I went. It was quite the conversation piece whenever i would meet someone for coffee (I always said, "I'm worried about this global warming thing. You may laugh now, but when the water comes, I've got my life preserver.").

But in the end, it did end. And I'm back better than ever. And life is good. So if you happen to be up to your eyeballs in something unpleasant, remember that this too shall pass. 

--

Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

--

by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst

If the drawbridge is stuck, take a nap

Stopped on the freeway at midnight, leaning back with my eyes contentedly closed, I heard an astonished voice say, "He's taking a nap!"

I was driving back from the airport after a short trip to the east coast. Fifteen minutes from home, I felt the relaxation that comes from knowing a long, grueling day is winding down. And then suddenly, as traffic ground inexplicably to a halt, I didn't. It soon became clear I wasn't going anywhere soon, and neither was the ever-growing line of cars behind me.

Just before it ends, Highway 509 - my route home from the airport - crosses a drawbridge spanning a river. I had never seen it up before, nor have I since, but that night I wasn't so lucky. "No problem," I thought. "It will only take a couple minutes." And so I settled in to wait. 

And wait. 

And wait. 

Finally, it dawned on me that something was wrong. As people stepped out of their cars, word started to filter back that the drawbridge was stuck. It was down, but wouldn't latch, which meant none of us could drive across it. Worse yet, because of the cement barriers on either side of the northbound lanes, we couldn't turn around. Until the mile or two of cars that had piled up behind us could be backed out and turned around by the highway patrol, we were stuck, stuck, stuck.  

Fortunately, I was still in travel mode, which essentially says, "Shit happens. Things go wrong. Plans change. Roll with it." So I decided to make the best of the situation, leaned my seat back, and closed my eyes to take a nap. 

How many times in your life have you come up against the equivalent of that drawbridge. Something out of your control that puts a stop to your best laid plans, or at least delays them. And how often have you gotten bent out of shape about it? How effective has that been for you?

It took an hour or so to get us out of there. When the highway patrol finally reached us in their effort to turn everyone around, I felt rested and in a good mood. Rather than letting the experience bother me, I got some rest and then stepped out of the car and enjoyed a good conversation with some of my fellow stucksters. In short, I rolled with it. 

I wish I could say that I consistently apply travel mode to my everyday life. Sometimes I do. More often I don't. But when I do, life goes so much more smoothly. I waste so much less energy, and I see so many more alternatives. 

How about you? What helps you shift into travel mode when you come up against life's bumps and blocks? What effect does that have?

--

Time for a career change? Launch it with...
The Occupational Adventure Guide:
A Travel Guide to the Career of Your Dreams

--

by Curt Rosengren, Passion Catalyst